That darn mind chatter. It seems to come out of nowhere. The more I fight it, the more it seem to want to gang up on me … often at very inconvenient times! If it was just a random and stray thought flitting through my awareness, I could just watch it depart like a leaf [...]
The problem, especially for those of us with C-PTSD, is there may be virtually no time between external trigger and total activation.
“Most people tell me what I should do. You’re the first to ask me what I actually want!”
Many nights I toss and turn until I can’t stand it anymore. I lay wondering what past trauma or current conflict is contributing to my sleeplessness until my mind just goes blank. In the early years of recovery, it seemed every waking moment was devoted to objectively identify inner conflicts and the root cause of [...]
Staying in a homeless shelter was quite an adjustment. It’s one of the better ones, based on what I’ve read. And things are different with Covid-19. The residents are generally OK and the staff does seem to care. I still recall the dreadful dawning realization that first night in my car that the nearest bathroom [...]
It’s rather intriguing, this conglomerate of selves I collectively call the bubbles of me. That is of course depending upon which self is observing. Others of us find it confusing, irritating, and downright depressing. A therapist might say I struggle with dysregulation. In fact, I found a great YouTube video from The Crappy Childhood Fairy [...]
I had a wonderful afternoon recently with a dear friend, looking at land. Having only just started a gofundme for the purpose, we may be jumping the gun a bit. But no harm in looking. It’s quite inspiring just to see what’s available and ponder possibilities. The parcel is a nice size, on a paved [...]
I like to write. I’m used to a desk, with room for a coffee cup and a lamp and a cacophony of clutter surrounding them that somehow soothes me. Now, my desk is my lap. My office is the porch of a homeless shelter. Fortunately, there’s a slightly battered but still serviceable wicker side table [...]
It’s 7am. I’ve been up now for about an hour. Technically longer than that, unless a night of constant tossing and turning counts as sleep. Sitting on the porch at the homeless shelter, a cacophony of birds are chirping in the dawn over the occasional swish and grumble of random vehicles, and the thankfully more [...]
I recently overheard a survivor mention feeling unreal, disconnected, and not knowing how they would ever be able to have some semblance of a normal life. I don't know how many times I've thought/felt much as they described. At times, it felt that way for months, even years! It's very disheartening, confusing, frustrating and downright [...]
Dancing in the Maze 